Bush Tests New Words for Social Security Reform-Scrappleface

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Bush Tests New Words for Social Security Reform
by Scott Ott

(2005-03-22) -- President George Bush, frustrated by polls which show Americans don't understand his Social Security reform proposals and by Democrats who pronounce the term 'privatize' as if it meant 'poison,' has begun seasoning his standard stump speech with new terminology in an effort to find words more palatable to progressive voters.

"We need to hybridize Social Security," Mr. Bush told an audience in Seattle this week, hoping the association with the ubiquitous gasoline-electric cars would help his case. "My hybridization plan is the perfect blend of market forces and USSR-style centralized government planning. None of your money will actually be in your hands. But we'll dictate a few investment choices for you, so you can have feeling of control without the full risk or benefit."

At the next tour stop, Mr. Bush told a town hall meeting, "We need to euthanize Social Security. It's about 70 years old now, and it's getting in the way of the hopes and dreams of the next generation. It's an inconvenience. We won't kill it. We're just going to stop feeding it so it can peacefully fade away."

At an all-female college, the president said, "I'm pro-choice on Social Security. I support a woman's right to choose her retirement investments. In Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court discovered your Constitutional right to privacy. If what you do with your fetus is private, why should the federal government dictate what you do with your nest egg?"

At a gathering in San Francisco, Mr. Bush called his plan a "happy marriage" between personal and government-controlled accounts....

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