Gtimo Solution

[Sgt. Rock]

One of my well meaning liberal neighbors received this letter in response to her outrage at the treatment of prisoners of war at Gitmo:

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C.

Dear Concerned Citizen:

Thank you for your recent letter criticizing our treatment of the terrorist detainees currently held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are creating the Terrorist Relocation Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.

Your detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is sociopathic and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome this character flaw. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless you feel that this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him. He has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the dress code that he considers appropriate, but I'm sure that over time they will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the bhurka. Just remind them that it is all part of respecting his culture and his religious beliefs.

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you inform us of the proper way to do our job. Take good care of Ahmed and good luck!

Cordially,
Don Rumsfeld


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[andophiroxia]

That is AWESOME. Put it on a URL and I'll send it around!

[Amawalk John]

Good plan. You've got my vote.

I think it would also work well to send GITMO terrorist/prisoners to the states and congressional districts of Senators and represenatives who oppose the current policy.

There's not a lot of room in Deleware for Biden's constituents to share with twenty or thirty al Qaeda irregulars. Let them ponder their Senator's policies the next time he's up for re-election

[MrsMcGee]

P.S.: We understand your concerns over what you deemed the "lack of a nutritionally-sound, organically-rich diet" served to the Guantanamo prisoners. Therefore, upon his arrival, we expect you to welcome Ahmed with a hand-prepared five-course meal that comports with the newly-revised food pyramid. (And make sure you add bacon to everything... the terrorists LOVE the stuff!)

[andophiroxia]

Speaking of which, I am going to eat pork ALL day to honor the dead. God bless them all. This is also to show the terrorists how much I care about the holiness of their jihad-very little.

[CondisMan]

I got the answer.....starting 2008.
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